the big inconvenience of love.

you've always had me.

once alive

You were a song I couldn't sing, caught like a bear by the bees with its hand in the hive who complains of the pain of the sting. When I'm lucky I got out alive! A life at best left half behind, the taste of the honey still sweet on my tongue and I'd run (Lord knows I've tried) but there's no place on Earth I can hide from the wrong I've done.

Then I saw a forest grow in the city and a driftwood wall of birdhouse gourds and I'm still waiting to meet a girl like my Mom who's closer to my age. The true light of my eyes is a Pearl equally emptied to equally shine and all or what little joy in the world seemed suddenly simple and endlessly mine

I was once the wine and you were the wineglass, I was once alive when you held me, but God became the glass, all things left are emptiness. But oh, you're just a little girl, if you look out and see a trace of a dark red that was once my face
in the clarity of such grace, you'll forget all about me.

we are vagabonds, we travel without seat belts on

And I am nothing of a builder but here I dreamt I was an architect. And I built this balustrade to keep you home, to keep you safe from the outside world. But the angles and the corners - even though my work is unparalleled they never seemed to meet. This structure fell about our feet and we were free to go. And try one, and try two... Guess it always comes down to "All right, okay, guess it's better to turn this way".

The vampire bites off the top of a building and loses his teeth. Another vampire says, 'Why are you crying? Those are your baby teeth.' And he says, 'No they're not. They're my adult teeth. And then the other vampires realised he couldn't be a vampire anymore, so they left him.

frequent flyer miles

Sometimes when I'm around you, I leave the world behind. It doesn't even matter where I go, I just leave. I don't feel the need to explain, either. That's the great thing. It's like this unconditional, infinite one way airplane ticket. For this, I am thankful.

So far from home, but it's worth the distance

because I always come back here.

worth the distance

god is love and love is real

I can't even begin.

my heart hurts

1 : of or relating to me or myself especially as possessor, agent, object of an action, or familiar person

1 a : a hollow muscular organ of vertebrate animals that by its rhythmic contraction acts as a force pump maintaining the circulation of the blood
2 a : a playing card marked with a stylized figure of a red heart b plural : the suit comprising cards marked with hearts c plural but sing or plural in constr : a game in which the object is to avoid taking tricks containing hearts
3 a : personality, disposition b obsolete : intellect
4 : the emotional or moral as distinguished from the intellectual nature: as a : generous disposition :compassion b : love, affection c : courage, ardor
5 : one's innermost character, feelings, or inclinations

1 a : to suffer pain or grief b : to be in need —usually used with for ing for money>
2 : to cause damage or distress s>

favorite

elementary

Finally saw Sherlock Holmes. I approve of this movie and Robert Downey Jr.'s witty banter and charm.

how I feel right now

I hate the days when the truth hurts

more than the cold winter air.

I can't stand the fact that I won't see you tomorrow. It makes my heart skip too many beats. Makes my hands shake and become cold. Sucks the sleep out of my skeleton. Makes my skin pale, and makes my eyes tired from the lack of gracing the pillow. I don't know what I'll do when you leave.

so they say

"K, here's your ride. Get your petals out and lay them in the aisle. Pretend you garden grows, and it's your own day to wed, we've found your man. He's drinking up. He's all-American, and he'll drive. He's volunteered with grace to end your life and tidy up. It's sad to hold, but leave your shell to us. You explode, you firefly, you tiny boat with oars, feather oars. The world tilts back and pours and pours and so, you satellite, you tidal wave. You're a big surprise and I've one more night to be your mother."

This signal interrupts baby's frequency not strong enough. Remain in my hands and smile. "We will miss you but in time you'll get settled and we will write."

beauty supreme. Yeah, you were right about me. But can I get myself out from underneath this guilt that will crush me and in the choir I saw our sad Messiah. He was bored and tired of my laments. Said, "I died for you one time, but never again."

baby

civil wars

I compiled two lists. One of the list entailed all of my safety nets. The other looked weak in comparison. As weak as I would feel without my safety nets. My physical and emotional safety nets. My cynicism, my neuroticism. And then I wrote down five names on the weak side. Your names. My real safety nets. I knew immediately that they were the best ones. The best comfort is in the arms of others. The civil war has deepened, yet at the same time a clarity has risen in the depths of it all.

obstacle 2

They said yes.

bumpkin boy

Does this look like that? How cruel you get.. I've started again to miss your hands. What carnage you've left and you were dead. Remember your flesh to see us break.

Flesh is heretic, my body is a witch - I am burning it.

I don't feel the need to do everything at this exact second.

just two more days

I wanted to see him. Sitting in his chair with the baseball scores on mute. I wanted to wish him a good day. But it wasn’t the glow of the tv on the stairwell. It was the light from the small kitchen lamp. living room unoccupied.

to die will be an awfully great adventure

One more run, through the moon and the sun but I'll still remain here unchanged. Like pain, it always hurts the same.

good/evil

"The dark water rose over the good in life, smothering it into its profound lengths of space to dive into. The truth, the peace, the good all rested at the bottom of the ocean of evil. The ocean of deceit, lies and reality. It was inevitable as it swallowed the good whole like a mere morsel of dinner. How he wanted nothing more than to sink to the bottom and rekindle his love affair with the good in life. But he didn’t want to drown."

I wrote this a few years ago, as part of a story that I was working on that really dealt with the concepts of good and evil. I liked this though.

shapes

it's nice to michou

One of my favorite bands.

Can't wait for the new album... literally.

Hero

Max Bemis. Though his lyrics are just fantastic and his energy in his band Say Anything is remarkable, the reason I look up to this man so much is the fact that he openly struggles with Bipolar disorder. When recording ...is a real boy, he basically broke down and ended up having an episode in Brooklyn, believing that he was the subject of a mockumentary. And though many people struggle with mental illness all the time, this is the reason why I admire Bemis so much. If you get the chance to watch the rest of the Half of Us videos featuring him, I highly advise that you do.

every fucked mistake I make

I'm going to make another one of those 'big decisions'. One of the ones that you base your life off of. The kind that you talk about when you are retelling your life story. I am nauseated at the thought of it, but I've also got a good feeling about this. I hope to God I'm right.

I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself.I lost myself. For a minute there -

head vs heart

My heart has declared another civil war between my head. My insides turn to stone as they begin to fight and I know it's just a defense mechanism, but I'm sore. All I want if everything to be 'okay', but I know that if I let one side of me win, well, even then you never really win. Maybe this is one of those, 'you took a chance, put yourself on the line' sort of things. Maybe it's not. I hope to God it's not. Because I think I might let my heart win.

growing younger

my everythings.

I'm ready

I have felt for sure last night, that once we said goodbye - no one else will know these lonely dreams, no one else will know that part of me. I'm still driving away and I'm sorry every day. I won't always love these selfish things, I won't always live not stopping.

You'll sit alone forever, if you wait for the right time. What are you hoping for? I'm here, and now, I'm ready. Holding on tight, don't give away the end. The one thing that stays mine. Amazing still it seems, I'll be 23. I won't always love what I'll never have. I won't always live in my regret.

New layout, wooooahhh! C:

This is the artist Windmill.

He makes my ears happy.

Hero [Of the Week]

To be honest with you, I admire Aaron Weiss quite a bit, which is quite frankly an understatement. I consider Aaron, who is both a philosophical and pious man (which you can call him due to almost all of his lyrics deal somewhat with biblical and religious themes) to be more of a writer than a singer in some band, and though mewithoutYou are undoubtably well, fantastic, it's Aaron who gets me every time with words like this;

I guess we just have to adjust.

summer

It's weird how one little thing, or a string of many little things can change so much.

It's weird how after listening for hours to that one little voice that filters through a series of circuits and units, that you start to notice different things like how the tempo isn't as fast as you thought it was, and it's really not that complex at all. You realize that maybe complexity isn't everything. Maybe you don't need to be intricate to mean something, or to dig into the muscles and crevasses of a certain organ.

It's weird how you can know of someone for so long but once you know them, it's a whole new ball game, and you realize that you've been waiting all this time just to get the call that you aren't even in the right park.

It's weird how you can mistake someone else's happiness for sadness or vice versa.

It's weird how you can hate something so much that you aren't sure if you really hate it at all, or if it's just some sort of love you just don't quite understand. Maybe all it really is, is a series of linguistics or words that the heart doesn't translate completely into english.

"I'm thinking that when I'm 89 i'll be one of those people who sit on benches in quiet parks and feed the birds I see, and though I'll be happy that I'm feeding them I won't really be happy."

I wrote that when I was 10. It was a letter to me in the future, about how I thought I'd end up. I don't remember writing it, but it still makes my heart feel heavy.

post secret 1 [sort of]

jan 01

it all boils down to one quotable phrase, if you love something - give it away.