enough is never quite enough, tonight

The sounds of the tires against the cement at night is like the sound of a film strip someone forgot to turn off but is still going. The air is cold but the wind is colder. The holes in the bottom of your shoes are growing with every step and the effects of the pot of coffee you drank before you left is slowly subsiding. Neon lights up your face, and your stomach churns with the squealing of the tires. There's nothing you can say, there's nothing you can do now. It's moments like this when you realize that you just want to go home.

Travel Well

I watched the years flash in your eyes. I knew you were looking at me, but at everyone else too. Moon river, what'd you do to me?

dream maker, you heart breaker

Read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer.

Listen to Moon River by Henry Mancini late at night.

Watch Logan's Run. 

tell me what you know about dreaming

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gold hey, I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

everything but this was lost

"This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon."

"I know."

"What do we do?"

"Enjoy it."

Is it just that there's no one to trust? or is it just that there's no one to believe in?

asleep from day

I don't know what's worse - wanting to feel or not wanting to feel. Whenever I feel something significant, I'd rather not feel anything. I'd rather be gray than white or black. Whenever I enter the gray zone, I'd give anything to feel something, anything. It's like we humans are programmed to want what we can't have. Selfishness divides us. You're not supposed to think about anything anymore.

Sometimes I want to play with fire, and then when I do - I realize I'd rather be home sleeping.

the longer that I'm out here

"It could bend, or it could break."

I knew it was happening, and I knew it would happen. But for some reason it killed me ten times over when it was confirmed. Knowing you're going to die doesn't amount to actually dying.

It's a terrible feeling. The kind that works it's way through your body just so you feel it all over. The kind that hurts even after even when it's not suppose to. It just leaves it's mark, like your body can't reproduce enough cells to create a new skin for it.

I honestly don't know why it happened, it just did.I tried to stop it, but you can't stop a ship from sinking by trying to convince yourself that it's not going too. And I'd like to think that it will change. Things always change. But they won't, not this time. I look at it from all angles, and I try to think of how it could mend, but it won't.

It was already bent, now the only thing left to do is break.

A Warm December With You

I was born in a hospital. I breathe in oxygen, and other pollutants that reside in the air. Ignorance - and piano music, is bliss. I think writing letters are one of the best ways to communicate with someone. It's like having a one sided conversation by writing with your thoughts, and dedicating it's entirety to someone else. You can't re-live anything, and you can't feel "alive" because you already are. Someday, you will die. And I will die as well. Life is inevitable, but it doesn't have to be.

should they kill me, your love will fill me

selfish things

"It's like... it's like all my life I've just wanted to help the people who you've created. And all you do if push me away. I take two steps forward and you push me three back. Well, I never believed in you until today. I mean - I've thought about you. I really have. But I've never been sure. Not until today. Not until the day when I realized I hated you. I hate you, because I think you love the people you shouldn't. I hate you because you were never there for me. I hate you because now that I need you, you aren't real."

let it happen

I want to meet someone who I can tell anything to.

I can tell them about all of my thoughts and how I think the world is. I can tell them about my love for small things, and my fear of large ones. About how optimistic I am about some things and how pessimistic I am about everything else..

I want to meet someone who I can tell how I am feeling and be as straight up as possible. I want to meet someone who I can let my thoughts just breathe and take a life of there own.

"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."

- Mark Twain 

close the door

Soon everybody will ask what became of you and I won't know how to answer them. 

extremely loud/incredibly close

"What about little microphones? What if everyone swallowed them, and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers, which could be in the pouches of our overalls? When you skateboarded down the street at night you could hear everyone's heartbeat, and they could hear yours, sort of like sonar. One weird thing is, I wonder if everyone's hearts would start to beat at the same time, like how women who live together have their menstrual periods at the same time, which I know about, but don't really want to know about. That would be so weird, except that the place in the hospital where babies are born would sound like a crystal chandelier in a houseboat, because the babies wouldn't have had time to match up their heartbeats yet. And at the finish line at the end of the New York City Marathon it would sound like war."

                                                    - Jonathan Safran Foer

neutral milk